Final Words - Why does it matter? || The Breaking

Now it seems we have come to the end of the series detailing how my 2021 went, it is important to note that inasmuch as I mentioned some things, I didn't mention others and as a result, I can do so in subsequent writeups.

At some point, I wanted to stop... around March or April, things were beginning to get serious and I don't appreciate people all in my business, what was the point? I asked Jesus, why should I continue? This makes no sense... By May, I was considering cutting it short and continuing at a much later time(which might never come) but God confirmed that He was the one who asked me to do so. Why am I saying all this?

I did not write all the things I wrote just for the fun of it, just because I love telling people about me, that was not the intent, I wrote it because He asked me to so I hope that even more than my words could convey, you were able to get the message He wanted to pass across to you, my experiences are peculiar to me just like yours are to you, I cannot write of how others in my house felt.

Another reason I didn't want to write these things is because writing exposes, a vast majority of the things I shared are things I did not tell anyone, I didn't share it with anyone else beforehand, not my friends or family. I kept them to myself and dealt with them myself by the help of God as well.

They knew something was up at times, guaranteed but they never really knew the full scope of what was up, they could only work with what I shared with them, I didn't share the full story, just the ones I felt were relevant to them. The day someone called me from the school of ministry, I still went interacted very well with Gift and she knew nothing of the call, nothing at all.

Why do we at times not tell people things? 

Why do I not? I believe it stems from the desire to protect myself, afterall, it's my problem and I will deal with it my way, after dealing with it, then I will talk about it. This innate desire to not be a burden to anyone and to just solve my problems. Am I still like that? Yes, in more ways than one but I am learning, learning to receive also, learning to be open with those I trust, at least to a degree.

Is it advisable? No, I do not believe it is. While there is a limit to what can be shared amongst people, there should also be a limit to what one keeps locked in. If you have people around you who can help you, who you can trust at least to a degree then solicit for their help, there is no pride in being a lone ranger. No pride at all. God is faithful and true, He makes use of men. He does.

Earlier in the year, I thought of sharing my year review but not in this way, definitely not in this way. God has His way.

While I highlighted certain persons, there were others I didn't highlight like Tomiwa shofolabo who was a very supportive person although I have never met her, she never stopped encouraging me to take as much time as I needed to heal even though I never really opened up to her and some others from DFAM especially. 

Those I highlighted were those who were close to me physically, those I more or less let see me, actually see me but that does not negate the role so many others played in my life that they couldn't because they were, in a sense too close to the subject and didn't even know me fully before school.

Has 2022 been rosy? No but is it a far cry from 2021? Yes, it is. Do I still miss my mother? Yes, I do. I don't think one ever really gets over loss, one just learns to deal with it, choose despite it, to be better. Does loss change a person? Most times, it does. Did it change my person? Yes, it did. It changed the way I saw different things, it changed the way I held things and people, it changed me in a lot of ways and I can almost say the same for some I know. 

Loss makes you appreciate those close to you even more and it also helps you realise that in the end, it all does not matter, Yes, you might grow to regret not having appreciated them more fully while they were around but then, life is much more than that. This is not the end. They will go to be with the Lord. Nothing here really matters. As spirit beings, we are only journeying through, this is not our final home, this is not our final dwelling place. 

I do not mind going to meet Jesus now if I have fulfilled purpose, of what use is long life? It just prolongs your stay on this earth and the work that will be added to you. To stay on earth is to agree to live for purpose. It is to acknowledge that there is something you are looking for, something that you must do and so, you must make the best use of every opportunity that comes your way. 

To live is Christ but to die is gain.

Why is it gain? It is gain because you are free from earthly struggles. There was a time in secondary school that God opened my eyes for less than a second and I saw how fleeting life was, how much everything did not matter and could disappear in the next second. Of what use is your life on earth right now? If you are staying this long, then you must be sure to secure your eternity because in the end, that is all that matters. I can sleep in peace now knowing my mother is with the Lord, she is with her Saviour. Jesus is all that matters at the end so if you live, live for Him. If you die, die for Him. It stopped being about you a long time ago. It stopped being about you the moment you surrendered your life. 

Life struggles will come no doubt but then, remember, You are a spiritual being going through earthly occurrences. The devil can only do so much, his cohorts can only do so much. The Lord should remain your sufficiency. He should remain the reason while you do what you do.

The Earth is a temporary dwelling place for all who have a spirit and the privilege of choice.

~ Omokhuwa.