Omokhuwa

A new week has passed and yet again. It seems as though I was high just now and low the next, the week hasn’t gone exactly as planned and there are times I have moved as one absent yet present, times I’m tempted to speak of the enthrall of death because I see nothing to fear in it and times I wonder why these thoughts arise in my mind. Certainly, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh but I have searched my heart and turned to God a lot more. Could it be that I thought mending my relationship with God would suddenly make all things come together for my good? Could it be that I thought I would become forgiving all of a sudden? Could it be that I expected everything good and bright to dwell within me all at once? What exactly were my thoughts, hope and dreams and do they matter? Do they hold meaning and make sense? Life, it would seem, waits for no one. Time moves without minding if a life was just lost or gained, it moves on no matter what comes my way, not ...

This would be a public letter to my saviour. Hello Jesus,  Recently, you began speaking to me about returning back to a place of deep intimacy and relationship, a place of returning to my first love. I must admit I have fought this a lot, not because I didn't want to return but because I wanted to save you from me.  My heart is filled with so much that is not of you, its desires has not been about you lately, it has not revolved around your desires, it has not sought you the way it should, it has turned away and it's a far cry from what it should be so I seek to protect you from this, I understand that love is all encompassing but it seems that I am only beginning to understand how much it covers, how much your love covers my inadequacies. I love you. I do love you, ironical as it may seem. I just don't know how much my heart can take, how much of me I must surrender repeatedly to make you smile, there is a saying that you love me just as I am but I do not know,...