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November 2021- I meet someone who looks just like my mum! || The Breaking

Now in school, I was trying to work on myself, to grow and be better, not really deal with how I was feeling but just be better however... How do I explain this? My school has a very different atmosphere and when I came here at first, I didn't feel it because I wasn't 'open' to the school, now I did.

The week following the week I resumed, I resumed Oct 30, 2021 so 31st Oct- 6th Nov, 2021, something happened... I went to Chapel as usual on the 31st because it was a Sunday however, during the service, someone played the saxophone and I remember almost tearing up because it was bringing up memories but I didn't, it is almost important to keep one's cool in church, sadly(this is not supposed to be the narrative.)

I began to feel choked, I was really spiralling out of control this week, I just wanted to do something, anything to take my mind off things but I couldn't really do anything. I was restless. I wanted to study but I couldn't. I would read books but I couldn't really read books. I bought a copywriting layman guide from Dolapo Hamzat(the guy is good at what he does) but I couldn't even read it, I couldn't focus on it and there was only so much I could say. 

For the first week, I didn't really do much, I was choked and spiralling out of control, so much that I told God " I will just serve you for what I can get from you then later grow to love you."  I'm happy to let you know He didn't allow it, He more or less told me He will embarrass me.

I spoke to Gift at times but I could only say so much, no one really understood.

Later, I would talk to Kelvin about certain things but even then, I still didn’t say much and stay down for long, there was no time to stay down, I had things that I needed to do. More or less, I was just focused on other things, Keeping myself busy.

I attended a program and met someone who reminded me of my mum so much, Pastor Gladys Nwankwo, her mannerisms and all were so alike but even then, I didn't really feel so pained or I didn't allow myself to, I was opportune to speak to her lateron.
After the program which lasted from about 12th-14th of November 2021, I would feel energized and feel joyful for a brief period of time.
On the last day of the program which was a Sunday, I wore a gown, the gown I was supposed to wear for my mum’s Thanksgiving service but couldn't due to my being in the hospital.

        Thanksgiving gown sewn by zuwe.ng. 😁


I went for classes, Chapel programs and other gatherings held for believers, I even got enrolled in a school named "The school of Morals and Character Building(TSMACM)" founded by Pastor Gladys Nwankwo and grew to be known consistent, I was in a lot of places all bubbly and no one would have guessed that I went through anything the last holiday.

I took a teaching on MM as well and I was still uploading on Twitter my #learndailychallenge which I began in the beginning of the year.


I was fine, just fine but then later, on the last day of the month, I would go for a program we usually hold here at the end of every month tagged "Zion Worship" and I would feel Jesus give me a very big and long hug, one I didn't even know I needed. That hug broke the dam. It broke me.




~ Omokhuwa.


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