September 2021 - What do you mean I have lost my mum??! || The Breaking

I had just finished writing a major paper: my second to the last examination paper, gotten my mum a book by T.D Jakes which I knew she would enjoy when I received this.

 I had just gotten her a book I knew she would really like and then this? This message comes in? 

I was amazed, she couldn't possibly be serious; I tried to play it cool at first... incase it was true so it wouldn't look like I was uninformed. 

You see, this person was from the church I used attend at home and at times, they call me Peace because that is my name.

I then proceeded to call my mum thereafter and I got no reply on her end, later, I called my dad and he said she wasn't around now, I found it strange because it was late in the evening and if she was going anywhere, she would go with him or he would mention where she went to. 

Still on the search for answers, I called my elder brother and asked him if my mom was preparing for school because she loved school so much, he gave an unconvincing response, that's when I knew something was up. Then I messaged my eldest sister as well, she told me to just focus on my school work that nothing is wrong. 

I was not getting answers and I could not speak to my mother, it was terrible... I didn't know what was up... You see, I was even more scared because few days ago, The Holy Spirit had taught me something on people being replaceable, dispensable and how life moves on even after loss. Yes, people will mourn but eventually, learn to deal with the loss and pain. In the scenario with which He explained though, I was the test subject not my family.

The next day, I would call a friend of mine I could confide in just to calm myself. 

It was funny though, I was scared but at peace. 

I went home on the 5th and already knew what I was going to expect or so I thought; upon getting home that night, I was told my mum passed on on the 26th of August, I was surprised because I spoke to her that evening and she sounded fine but also not surprised, I had connected the dots already, I was removed from certain church group chats the day after it; on the 27th, I think the idea was not to tell me because I was writing exams, so I would not start thinking and tell me upon getting home, the plan failed though.

I wanted to see our dog as well, Jace, but I was told he was taken to the vet. I could not believe it, I really wanted to see my mom and Jace, they were the creatures I wanted to see the most, I hadn't seen them since February 23rd when I left home. I was sad. 

Much later, the vet doctor called to tell my brother Jace died due to some circumstances, I knew some minutes before my brother passed the message across though... the Holy Spirit communicated it to me so I could ready myself.

I fell sick the next week but I didn't cry or feel the loss till much later. In the first two weeks, I felt at peace and the fact that she was with the Lord was so real to me. I could feel Jesus and I could feel her.

Fast forward to travelling to my hometown to bury her, I was sick but already recovering from my illness when something unexpected happened...

On the day we were to bury my mother, I had a near death experience and collapsed that morning so I never got to be there for the actual burial, the sand putting after placing her casket in the ground. 

I was rushed to the hospital that day before anything happened; by the way, I do not remember any of this, I am reporting it as told, I was rushed to the hospital because I lost consciousness and for the first time since I was born, I was admitted and placed on drip, it was after I woke up that I began to miss my mother, that a sense of loss came upon me so suddenly. 

I became disconnected from the outside world, from my chats... I stopped communicating with my friends and just shut down.

We went back to lagos the day after the Thanksgiving service, a service which I missed because I was still admitted in the hospital.

I was overwhelmed and I began slipping, slipping hold of the control I once had, the determination to stand my ground and still pray, read my bible and journal.

I was becoming depressed.

~ Omokhuwa.