THE CRUX

My mind has been a haze recently, one with a disarray of emotions, it's like a lot is happening at once yet the same time nothing is happening, I want to move forward, I want to grow, I want to be better yet I cannot seem to find a way out of this loophole, how do I heal by destroying all that is and move forward at the same time, it almost seems impossible, how should I go about it, is there a way out? A way to figure out this mess that I seem to have put myself into.

A question recurs in my mind, is it possible to heal, to deal with past hurt and trauma and still yet move on, and still yet be a better person, still yet plan and appear to have my life together, a question that has been answered by Phil Stutz, a psychiatrist in a documentary I watched, who talks about his desire in making his patients feel better after their first meeting with him by having them discover their life force, an assignment he gives them to help them feel productive, to help them feel like they are reaching wholeness better and faster, to change their perspective on live.

Life is a compendium of choices and by choosing to accept this psychiatrist's answer, I am choosing to say I will move on, respond to life's questions and heal while at it. It would not become magic. It's something that needs to take place and this psychiatrist knows more than me in this regard.

Like most people, I thought that it would be better to bury certain hurts and move on while at it due to the concept of there being "no time," but that is a false concept in that there will come a time when work can no longer bury the hurt, when it will infiltrate all I do and affect both my relationships and my work life, when my health will be complicated due to so many things coming up, when life would no longer be breathable.

Now, I would like to think I understand better, I would like to think that I understand what it means to heal and deal with life's questions and issues as they come with an upbeat response, pushing things back has never really led to anything sustainable for me, it seeps into everything I do and it takes a certain level of self awareness to note and acknowledge when the same is beginning to happen to you.

That I may know Him, that you may know Him. You do not serve the one you are not truly honest with in a pure heart, David understood this and while He was a mighty man of valour, it's important to note that he also wrote the book of psalms. He wrote poetry and spoke of how he felt, he dealt with his emotions, in his writings, he found closure while also recounting God's promises. 

Go back to the drawing board, to love your neighbour, you need to love yourself also, so please, I beg you, know yourself and accept yourself in all ramifications, love yourself as Christ helps you to and seek growth for yourself. 

You can do life and heal, it is necessary to always make time for what matters before it makes time for us. That we may know God. 

~ Omokhuwa.

PS Therapy seems enticing.