Omokhuwa

I miss my mother. I miss what she represented even though I see some of them through me and in me. I miss my first love and it’s as though I am ever returning to him, it’s a continuous process. When will I learn? When will I fully return? I stopped doing some things He asked me to and felt good about it till temptation arose again, I didn’t succumb but then I fully understood that the arm of flesh is weak and will fail. I also understood the statement that He hasn’t given us more than we can handle. Who can stand in the hill of the Lord or who can stand in His holy place? He that has clean hands and a pure heart. What connotes one to be pure? What represents this things?  Does being with Him and trusting in Him make me pure? Am I pure because I constantly behold Him and seek His ways? What exactly makes one pure. What exactly connotes purity? That we may know you. To have clean hands does not come by my works, it doesn’t come by what I can or cannot do. It comes only by...

I cried today. I do not seem to have words to articulate myself fully. It seems to be the same cycle once more, I am unsure of my faith and my stand with you.  Right now, I would rather evade this writeup, I would rather speak of the happenings going on in the environment and what needs to be done by believers. Necessity is laid upon me however to be bare so I will do just that, I will be bare. I feel weak, tired and I do not feel like doing so much. I am moving without life in me and doing just want needs to be done, in a disconnected manner, there seems to be no joy. A repetition, that is what it all seems like. Right now, I feel sleepy but there is a lot to do. Help me please. Thank you.

A new week has passed and yet again. It seems as though I was high just now and low the next, the week hasn’t gone exactly as planned and there are times I have moved as one absent yet present, times I’m tempted to speak of the enthrall of death because I see nothing to fear in it and times I wonder why these thoughts arise in my mind. Certainly, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh but I have searched my heart and turned to God a lot more. Could it be that I thought mending my relationship with God would suddenly make all things come together for my good? Could it be that I thought I would become forgiving all of a sudden? Could it be that I expected everything good and bright to dwell within me all at once? What exactly were my thoughts, hope and dreams and do they matter? Do they hold meaning and make sense? Life, it would seem, waits for no one. Time moves without minding if a life was just lost or gained, it moves on no matter what comes my way, not ...