Omokhuwa

I miss my mother. I miss what she represented even though I see some of them through me and in me. I miss my first love and it’s as though I am ever returning to him, it’s a continuous process. When will I learn? When will I fully return? I stopped doing some things He asked me to and felt good about it till temptation arose again, I didn’t succumb but then I fully understood that the arm of flesh is weak and will fail. I also understood the statement that He hasn’t given us more than we can handle. Who can stand in the hill of the Lord or who can stand in His holy place? He that has clean hands and a pure heart. What connotes one to be pure? What represents this things?  Does being with Him and trusting in Him make me pure? Am I pure because I constantly behold Him and seek His ways? What exactly makes one pure. What exactly connotes purity? That we may know you. To have clean hands does not come by my works, it doesn’t come by what I can or cannot do. It comes only by...

I cried today. I do not seem to have words to articulate myself fully. It seems to be the same cycle once more, I am unsure of my faith and my stand with you.  Right now, I would rather evade this writeup, I would rather speak of the happenings going on in the environment and what needs to be done by believers. Necessity is laid upon me however to be bare so I will do just that, I will be bare. I feel weak, tired and I do not feel like doing so much. I am moving without life in me and doing just want needs to be done, in a disconnected manner, there seems to be no joy. A repetition, that is what it all seems like. Right now, I feel sleepy but there is a lot to do. Help me please. Thank you.

A new week has passed and yet again. It seems as though I was high just now and low the next, the week hasn’t gone exactly as planned and there are times I have moved as one absent yet present, times I’m tempted to speak of the enthrall of death because I see nothing to fear in it and times I wonder why these thoughts arise in my mind. Certainly, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh but I have searched my heart and turned to God a lot more. Could it be that I thought mending my relationship with God would suddenly make all things come together for my good? Could it be that I thought I would become forgiving all of a sudden? Could it be that I expected everything good and bright to dwell within me all at once? What exactly were my thoughts, hope and dreams and do they matter? Do they hold meaning and make sense? Life, it would seem, waits for no one. Time moves without minding if a life was just lost or gained, it moves on no matter what comes my way, not ...

This would be a public letter to my saviour. Hello Jesus,  Recently, you began speaking to me about returning back to a place of deep intimacy and relationship, a place of returning to my first love. I must admit I have fought this a lot, not because I didn't want to return but because I wanted to save you from me.  My heart is filled with so much that is not of you, its desires has not been about you lately, it has not revolved around your desires, it has not sought you the way it should, it has turned away and it's a far cry from what it should be so I seek to protect you from this, I understand that love is all encompassing but it seems that I am only beginning to understand how much it covers, how much your love covers my inadequacies. I love you. I do love you, ironical as it may seem. I just don't know how much my heart can take, how much of me I must surrender repeatedly to make you smile, there is a saying that you love me just as I am but I do not know,...

My mind has been a haze recently, one with a disarray of emotions, it's like a lot is happening at once yet the same time nothing is happening, I want to move forward, I want to grow, I want to be better yet I cannot seem to find a way out of this loophole, how do I heal by destroying all that is and move forward at the same time, it almost seems impossible, how should I go about it, is there a way out? A way to figure out this mess that I seem to have put myself into. A question recurs in my mind, is it possible to heal, to deal with past hurt and trauma and still yet move on, and still yet be a better person, still yet plan and appear to have my life together, a question that has been answered by Phil Stutz, a psychiatrist in a documentary I watched, who talks about his desire in making his patients feel better after their first meeting with him by having them discover their life force, an assignment he gives them to help them feel productive, to help them feel like t...

It's been a minute. I was reading a book recently and in that book, I saw something about Jesus talking about us being His mouthpiece but how we will still be seen because what we write pr the message we are sent to deliver are not scriptures so they will still be influenced by us. Permit me to speak of something I have been battling with recently on this space... I was recently appointed to two leadership positions in my placement and i have had to struggle with something that I haven't had to struggle with for as long as I can remember. I have had to struggle with my speech and I have been incredibly self conscious and self preservative as well. I know, I know as believers or leaders as the case may be, we shouldn't speak of our struggles until they are over, being too open is almost forbidden but speaking about heaven, God and His faithfulness even in this is highly welcomed. I'm afraid I will be too raw for you then, I'm afraid I will have to get some getting us...

It's been a few quiet weeks,  I hope we've been good during this period, things have been a bit dicey over here, what with school resumption and balancing all aspects of life. God helps us. Amen. This weekend, we are having a program in my citadel of learning with the theme: "Jesus Rush," this is the seventh year the program, which is majorly targeted towards freshers, is holding and it's my second year attending the program, so far so good, things have been well, it's been powerful! Really powerful. A picture of Mummy Gladys with the background being the Chapel. The joy is almost palpable! I will share a few things I have gained from this program here and you make sure you attend next year, should you be in this area next time, do attend. I learnt about the benefit of light and how light dispels darkness, how? You might ask... well, to answer that question, I would have to revisit an occurrence during day 1 of Jesus Rush... Pastor Mrs Gladys Nwank...