Omokhuwa

It looks like I will have to talk to someone.  I don't want to, but I need to. My mind is too hazy to make the right decisions.  I can't talk to God clearly.. it feels too difficult to.  What do I say? Honestly, almost two months ago, it struck me how powerful God is and how much people take Him for granted. He is God! Too powerful to be used for your benefit. Much too powerful to be made a fool of.  He will not let His holy one to see corruption. You do not touch those who are His and go scot free... not really, you don't. He abounds in mercy, yes, and we thank Him for that. But, he is too great to be messed with. Too great to play smart with. He is God! No other words sums up who He is, other than that. God! When this realization dawned on me, I wasn't in a good place with Him and thought to myself, I wouldn't deceive Him. Instead, I will do certain stuff and return after sorting my "business" out. I don't try to be what I am not, especia...

Has it been so long since I have last written?  Just early this Saturday morning, I began thinking and regretting that I didn't write all these while, both personally and publicly. No documentation. Nothing. But I thought to myself that I could just start writing now. No use waiting around and here I am. Lately, I find myself to be an avid movie person. It is funny however, I watch movies to run from dealing with things and considering how quick I have been finishing a lot of series, it only makes sense. When I am not watching a movie, it's like I have nothing else to do when I obviously do.  My days recently has been following this sequence: Chat, work, work, cook, watch movie. Nothing really makes it out of this train, and I am tempted even as I write this to write something else to cover up and make me seem cool and whatnot. However, that which is not spoken of or is hidden only grows stronger. That is what gives it more power.  I hope to write more often, ...

Guaranteed, the people in darkness have seen a Marvellous light, one that exposes and this caused a lot of the pharisees and other teachers to hate Jesus, He was the Light and exposed people’s hearts. He showed then who they were. They stood no chance but before He did so, the baby boy who they wanted to kill as a child but admired when He was 12 had built sufficient capacity now. He knew who He was, what He was called to do and nothing or no-one could take it from Him. He understood the authority He had as The Light. This is to tell us all who belong to this Light that it is imperative we understand what the Light does, who the light is and build capacity. This is not to say that you should pretend to be who you are not and try to rush the process due to the growth of others who show you the things they want you to see. No! This is to encourage us to intentionally stay and build capacity. Be honest with the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help you. He knows the best way to. You can speak t...

Lately, light has been interesting to me. For it seems that the very nature of light is to expose, now I am speaking of physical light. I recall an incident in the hostel where I was with my bucket to go fetch water... On my way outside my block(apartment, in a sense), I was without light physically but there were two ladies who had light by using their phones, this was supposed to give them an advantage. Unfortunately, immediately I stepped out of the block, they exclaimed! Asking how I was able to step out, if I didn’t see a rat. Apparently, they wanted to step into the block with their light but they caught sight of two rats and couldn’t move further. They ran back looking for who they could follow in. I wasn’t moved by the rat sightings. It wouldn’t be the first time and besides, I saw no rat. They decided that they would wait for me to be done fetching water and follow me in then. I didn’t mind but I thought it funny that they who had the light wanted to use me, who di...

It's been awhile I posted anything and the reason, to a certain extent is simple. I have felt unmotivated to post even though I had certain things written down and I also have felt the need to present a perfect version of myself. I cannot do that however so here goes: Life has been pretty simple for me lately. I have been having engagements and classes, have an accountability partner and just been living but even more so, I have been spending a lot of time with a friend of mine and I sometimes wonder at the wisdom of it.  However, even in my wondering, I understand people who say that career ladies are helpless when it comes to those they love. In most cases, they are prone to forgetting about certain laid-out plans. It is funny as this was the same reason I chose not to venture into a romantic relationship yet it's as though God looked at me and laughed, saying I did not know what was coming.  I have enjoyed my time with this friend and I will continue to, this fe...

Recently, my mind has been a haze. I have felt the need to rein in my thoughts, my feelings, my pain from those who care about me. It seems like I thought that sharing these things would make me seem emotional and like an overthinker of sorts. I feel the need to do a bit of cut and join with those around me and it's not to be so. So we meet, laugh and play together and then when I'm alone, I am back to wondering how things will go. I am left to my thoughts, these thoughts that plague me constantly and this should be the same for many others.  Who has placed these standards for perfection? How many times have I spoken to my friends about surface things as well when there is so much going on with them? This is why people say we should pray for our friends often but I wonder how much fuller and richer our relationships will be if we communicate openly more, there does not need to be a guarantee that a solution will be provided. If only we just talk. If only we just open ou...

On what template should growth be measured? Error seeps in at times even with those well meaning in the body of Christ. There are a lot of ways in which growth is communicated, ways that in more ways than one cause segregation. Ways that make you seem greater and the other lesser but who categorises those who are greater or lesser in this kingdom? Jesus. Jesus who said the first will be the last and last first. I do not have any theological explanation for this nor do I require that you write me one. It is a call for you to search your heart. How many times have we(me inclusive) all presented a greater version of ourselves in order to seem perfect? Doesn’t this kill? Putting sins in categories with one being higher than the other. Sex or anything affiliated with it is often regarded as shameful but something like not listening to God is talked of more because it is “normal.” It will not be rejected. Who made this laws? Who set these rules? Who places categories? If we...

On the 8th of March 2023, International Women’s day, I watched a talk on Netflix by Brene Brown titled: “ The Call to Courage.” While listening to all she had to say, I realised that I had an issue with commitment. I was committed to certain things but not fully. I was committed to God but not fully. True, I trusted what He had said and certain things in scripture but I realised that at almost every point in time, I had tried to use logic to explain most of what He had told me. Even personal promises that I had written down. I realised then that I was running from fully committing to God should something happen and He fails. Yes, I know the word of the Lord is true and if He said it, He will do it. You know, I really believe His words in people’s lives. Sometimes, I could even be the one communicating that word to a person or group of people. I just wasn’t sure of His word in my life and if I should really hold onto it, really hold onto His personal promises to me. One thi...

It’s been a minute.  How have you been?  How has your life been? Have you been taking steps to be better everyday? If yes, how has it been? If No, why? When are you going to start? Think on these things, my friends. While you are thinking on that, I thought to share how I have been doing and what’s been up with me lately; Recently, I began listening to NF. Even right now, I am listening to Hope by NF. A very wholesome music.  I had been thinking of the rawness of some of my writeups prior to learning of him and the songs he wrote. He is very bold and open about what is going on with him in a sort of dark way yet it communicates life. Listening to some of his songs inspired me to keep on writing about my feelings. Why do all this? I do not fully understand but writing is an outlet for me. A very good outlet for a lot of things. In a sense, I also hope to communicate life, to communicate my feelings and encourage those going through the same things. What’s the p...

For thine O Lord art a shield for me.  The glory and the lifter up of my head. Thank you for access, God. Thank you for strength. Thank you for ease. Thank you for grace. Thank you God for loving me and choosing me as I am. Thank you so much for everything. I do not know what to write, I have gotten to this part a lot and erased things I have written before now because I do not feel the sincerity in them.  Do I know what to write now? No. A few things to watch out for however;  • Be emotionally intelligent, mind your emotions. Feel your feelings but don’t let them overwhelm or overpower you. • Take care of yourself and accept love in its purest form. • Life is spiritual. Very. Don’t take everything lightly. • Know God for yourself. Don’t seek Him from others. • Love God earnestly and you will understand what it means to fear Him. • The Bible says the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. It also says perfect love casts out all fear. Both statements are true....

I miss my mother. I miss what she represented even though I see some of them through me and in me. I miss my first love and it’s as though I am ever returning to him, it’s a continuous process. When will I learn? When will I fully return? I stopped doing some things He asked me to and felt good about it till temptation arose again, I didn’t succumb but then I fully understood that the arm of flesh is weak and will fail. I also understood the statement that He hasn’t given us more than we can handle. Who can stand in the hill of the Lord or who can stand in His holy place? He that has clean hands and a pure heart. What connotes one to be pure? What represents this things?  Does being with Him and trusting in Him make me pure? Am I pure because I constantly behold Him and seek His ways? What exactly makes one pure. What exactly connotes purity? That we may know you. To have clean hands does not come by my works, it doesn’t come by what I can or cannot do. It comes only by...

I cried today. I do not seem to have words to articulate myself fully. It seems to be the same cycle once more, I am unsure of my faith and my stand with you.  Right now, I would rather evade this writeup, I would rather speak of the happenings going on in the environment and what needs to be done by believers. Necessity is laid upon me however to be bare so I will do just that, I will be bare. I feel weak, tired and I do not feel like doing so much. I am moving without life in me and doing just want needs to be done, in a disconnected manner, there seems to be no joy. A repetition, that is what it all seems like. Right now, I feel sleepy but there is a lot to do. Help me please. Thank you.

A new week has passed and yet again. It seems as though I was high just now and low the next, the week hasn’t gone exactly as planned and there are times I have moved as one absent yet present, times I’m tempted to speak of the enthrall of death because I see nothing to fear in it and times I wonder why these thoughts arise in my mind. Certainly, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh but I have searched my heart and turned to God a lot more. Could it be that I thought mending my relationship with God would suddenly make all things come together for my good? Could it be that I thought I would become forgiving all of a sudden? Could it be that I expected everything good and bright to dwell within me all at once? What exactly were my thoughts, hope and dreams and do they matter? Do they hold meaning and make sense? Life, it would seem, waits for no one. Time moves without minding if a life was just lost or gained, it moves on no matter what comes my way, not ...

This would be a public letter to my saviour. Hello Jesus,  Recently, you began speaking to me about returning back to a place of deep intimacy and relationship, a place of returning to my first love. I must admit I have fought this a lot, not because I didn't want to return but because I wanted to save you from me.  My heart is filled with so much that is not of you, its desires has not been about you lately, it has not revolved around your desires, it has not sought you the way it should, it has turned away and it's a far cry from what it should be so I seek to protect you from this, I understand that love is all encompassing but it seems that I am only beginning to understand how much it covers, how much your love covers my inadequacies. I love you. I do love you, ironical as it may seem. I just don't know how much my heart can take, how much of me I must surrender repeatedly to make you smile, there is a saying that you love me just as I am but I do not know,...

My mind has been a haze recently, one with a disarray of emotions, it's like a lot is happening at once yet the same time nothing is happening, I want to move forward, I want to grow, I want to be better yet I cannot seem to find a way out of this loophole, how do I heal by destroying all that is and move forward at the same time, it almost seems impossible, how should I go about it, is there a way out? A way to figure out this mess that I seem to have put myself into. A question recurs in my mind, is it possible to heal, to deal with past hurt and trauma and still yet move on, and still yet be a better person, still yet plan and appear to have my life together, a question that has been answered by Phil Stutz, a psychiatrist in a documentary I watched, who talks about his desire in making his patients feel better after their first meeting with him by having them discover their life force, an assignment he gives them to help them feel productive, to help them feel like t...

It's been a minute. I was reading a book recently and in that book, I saw something about Jesus talking about us being His mouthpiece but how we will still be seen because what we write pr the message we are sent to deliver are not scriptures so they will still be influenced by us. Permit me to speak of something I have been battling with recently on this space... I was recently appointed to two leadership positions in my placement and i have had to struggle with something that I haven't had to struggle with for as long as I can remember. I have had to struggle with my speech and I have been incredibly self conscious and self preservative as well. I know, I know as believers or leaders as the case may be, we shouldn't speak of our struggles until they are over, being too open is almost forbidden but speaking about heaven, God and His faithfulness even in this is highly welcomed. I'm afraid I will be too raw for you then, I'm afraid I will have to get some getting us...

It's been a few quiet weeks,  I hope we've been good during this period, things have been a bit dicey over here, what with school resumption and balancing all aspects of life. God helps us. Amen. This weekend, we are having a program in my citadel of learning with the theme: "Jesus Rush," this is the seventh year the program, which is majorly targeted towards freshers, is holding and it's my second year attending the program, so far so good, things have been well, it's been powerful! Really powerful. A picture of Mummy Gladys with the background being the Chapel. The joy is almost palpable! I will share a few things I have gained from this program here and you make sure you attend next year, should you be in this area next time, do attend. I learnt about the benefit of light and how light dispels darkness, how? You might ask... well, to answer that question, I would have to revisit an occurrence during day 1 of Jesus Rush... Pastor Mrs Gladys Nwank...

Last time, we went into the details of the growth process of the butterfly, it goes through three stages before it becomes a butterfly such as: An egg- A caterpillar - A chrysalis, this all equates into it being a butterfly thereby making it four life cycle stages; Egg – Caterpillar – Chrysalis – Butterfly. You can find the post below. The caterpillar changes into a chrysalis, how is this done? It is done within the caterpillar, it recognizes it is time for change and so it begins to form a covering from its own juices, it begins to form a covering from inside out, from what it has built overtime, from its own potential and then, spin a chrysalis around itself where it can hide for sometime before it emerges to be the butterfly it was meant to be, some spend a considerably long time inside the chrysalis ranging from days to weeks to months and even years pending on when it is most favourable for it to hatch, environmental factors determines when it will hatch.  ...

First, it is an egg from another butterfly, the egg transforms into a caterpillar; It hatches, after hatching, like babies, it begins to eat so much, trying to eat as many leaves as possible, in this, you can see the likeness of growing so much where you are now, of ensuring to build capacity so as to be able to have stamina for where you end up eventually, the caterpillars eat so much with some of them even being able to consume 86, 000 times their own size, what then happens, you wonder, do they not explode? Surprisingly, they do not. The caterpillars, it does not yet appear what they will be till they enclose themselves. You see, the caterpillars expand as they eat more, their capacity expands physically even as there is constant increase in the food they consume, they grow bigger, they consume without fear of what will happen if they take in too much, a blessing many newborns seem to have –one you should have as well if you claim to be utterly dependent on the Holy Spir...

       The Monarch butterfly which travels hundreds of                         meters towards the end of the year. Many at times, we start something and we are filled with so much zeal and passion for it, it consumes us but then, we begin to feel overwhelmed and are tempted to quit that which we have started already. Life begins to mess with us and throw so much hurdles our way which often have a way of messing with our minds, our minds determine how much we do, it influences our productivity so when our mind is messed with, our productivity is as well. What do you do when this happens to you? What do you do when you find yourself in this state?  Some do a pity party, some find a way of motivating themselves again and some just give up on their goals with the notion that this life is not for them. Is this wise? Is this the advisable thing to do?  I was study...